I Think We're Back In Kansas, Toto!

Many years ago, I drove through Kansas just as the wheat was ready to harvest. I remember the day well, not because there was so much to remember, but because there was so little. The black, two-lane highway was arrow straight. It was bordered by equally spaced telephone poles. The overwhelming colors were the brilliant blue of a cloudless sky and the gold of wheat fields stretching for as far as the eye could see. There were no houses, no driveways, no fences, no animals or people, and for miles on end there was no other traffic. In the right frame of mind, this drive should have been wonderful. It was... for about the first 30 minutes. After a while, the feeling of awe became one of being trapped. Trapped in sameness.

Well, Toto, I think I'm back in Kansas. Sara and I aren't financially positioned to live off of her salary alone and we have vowed not to touch our retirement savings until she is ready to retire. That means that I work. I have been out of the IT field for so long now that it would be very difficult to find a job even if the market was wide open. For right now, I'm luckier than many. I'm working full time for the US Census and probably will be until next September. I'm working part-time for H&R Block and probably will be until mid-April. That means 5 days a week for the Census and nights and weekends for Block. At least that will keep me off the streets and out of trouble. Like the Kansas highway, as I begin I will feel great about working. In the long run, the sameness of it will probably drive me crazy. As far down that Kansas highway as I can see, nothing changes.

Have you ever watched a good carpenter choose lumber? One of the things that they will do is to eye along the length of a plank to check for bowing. If a piece is bowed, it is set aside. It won't be used for first quality building. As a carpenter, Jesus must have looked along many boards and set aside many that didn't measure up. I feel like I've been measured for my usefulness as good lumber, found wanting, and set aside. A couple of months ago, a missionary from our church, Christina Lowder, presented a homily in which she told of a Liberian woman being put into a deep hole as punishment. Her point was that there is always a need for someone not just to reach a hand down to the woman, but to get into the hole with her and support her in her trial. I want to be the type of person who gets down into the hole. I no longer believe or hope that is going to happen. I've been measured by the Carpenter and found wanting.

This is probably going to be my last blog entry for some time. The scenery at the bottom of a rut doesn't change much or often. When and if it ever does, I'll post again.