Arizona!

Arizona! What a great state! What great people! Arizona was the home of Barry Goldwater, a great military strategist. He was a strong proponent of bombing Viet Nam out of existence. In the short run, this would probably have saved a long war and lots of young American soldier lives. In the long run, we would probably also have been called upon to bomb Cambodia, Laos, North Korea, China, and Russia, among others. Even that might have solved some of today's problems. He was probably just a man before his time. Arizona is the home of one of the world's biggest ditches. Where, more conveniently in this world, can Americans line up to pay good dollars (well, maybe not so good dollars in today's economy) to gaze in awe at what a trickle of water can do if you let it go long enough? I'm sure that the Grand Canyon has been responsible for lots of gutter repair and bathtub leak fixing when the visiting tourists got back home. Art! Arizona has art. Can you just picture the imagination of the first realtor to look at the dirt and rocks of Sedona and say to himself, or maybe herself in this case, "We'll never be able to sell this to normal people, but I'll just bet that we can work up a neat campaign to sell it to those crazy artists. After all, the rocks do look a little bit red in color in a certain kind of light. They'll probably like that." Exotic wildlife abounds in Arizona. You can get up in the morning and shake the scorpions out of your shoes. You can feed your little pet dog to the coyotes. Arizonans think so much of their native wildlife that they've even named one of their professional ball teams after a rattlesnake. What a tribute! With all that going for it, no wonder some 460,000 illegal Mexicans want to make it home and no wonder those pure-blooded Anglo Arizonans want to keep it to themselves. The Apache, Navajo, and other first-comers probably wanted to keep it to themselves too, but what's a poor Indian to do when the borders leak like sieves? In case you've been cloistered lately, you probably don't know that the state of Arizona has just passed a law allowing for all those suspicious looking Latinos to be questioned about their legal right to be in the state. Isn't it wonderful that legal residents of Hispanic origin can now be taxed to pay the police to question them about their origins and residential legality. How's that for a plan to keep the local dollars working in the local economy? One thing you can surely bet on is that this new law is going to help Arizona's exports. Even today, 460,000 illegal aliens are making their way rapidly toward New Mexico, Utah, Nevada, and California. Don't you just know that those states are going to have people waiting at the state line with welcoming, open arms? 460,000 more folks to clean homes, mow lawns, collect garbage, flip burgers, and pick crops... what's not to love about that? Just in case this new law doesn't do it for Arizona, I have some ideas that they might want to try. I can't take credit for the originality, I just thought that Arizona could expand a little bit. I like comedian Bill Engvall. As a part of his comedy routine, he tells anecdotes about questions so stupid that they end in the punch line, "Here's your sign." What a neat idea, have illegal aliens wear signs around their necks that say things like, "I'm illegal, but I'm happy to be here!" or "I'm with illegal (and an arrow pointing to the left or right.)" or "I may be illegal, but you're paying for my health care and education!" This idea could be the start of a whole new cottage industry. Arizona could even hire illegals to work in "illegal" factories. Bill didn't come up with this idea himself ,the Nazis did it even earlier. I'm reading, "The Diary of Anne Frank." In Denmark, the Nazis made all Jews wear the Star of David emblem cut from yellow cloth. It not only identified Jews, it made a convenient target for any hothead that wanted to take a shot at one (a problem, or perhaps a solution, that I understand Arizona has now.) In the United States, we often circumcise newborn baby boys and pierce the ears of newborn baby girls. The Nazis used tattooing to mark Jews sent to concentration camps. In Arizona, they could combine the two ideas. Any child born, from now on in Arizona, could have an "A" tattooed somewhere easy to spot by the police. Of course, you know that any child born in the United States, even if his or her parents are illegal aliens, are automatically given citizenship. The "A" could stand for "American." Just look how this could be expanded to help in other areas as well. If the child later becomes an alcoholic, another "A" is added. "AA" would then indicate to any bartender that the person was not to be served even if they were of legal drinking age. An Arizonan joins the American Automobile Association and gets to add even more "A"s. All you would have to do when you check into a motel is show the "AAA" tattoo and, presto, a discount! One other obvious use of the "A" tattoo; you finally reach the age of 55 and you get an "AARP" tattoo. Not only does this show people that you are probably older and wiser than they are, but you'll finally get the respect you deserve for just having made it that far through life. You see where I'm going with this? Arizona legislators could have a field-day passing laws for issuing new tattoos. The Arizona DOT could begin legislating "vanity" tattoos and pairing them with vanity licence plates. This could turn into a real gold mine of opportunities, one more place Arizona could put all those illegal aliens to work. Now I don't expect the state of Arizona to thank me for my ideas. It is enough thanks to know that I can pass safely through the state since I very obviously have fair skin and speak atrocious Spanish. Now for my disclaimer. I've written this all in fun; sorta dark comedy. If you happen to agree with all I've written above, please let me know. You might not be the person that I think you are and we might have to end our friendship. I respect the problems that, especially the border states, have with illegal immigration. My prayer is that the proposed solutions will never cause the human dignity of our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ to be abused and that, some day, we will find a way to share our bounty in peace.